Feel deceived

[tweetiepie]

Just found out my partner of 5 years has hep C. I found tablets lying around and asked what they were and he said pain killers, looked suspicious so googled them and find out its a treatment for hep C.

Asked straight out if he had hep C and he said yes he has had it since early 90s. He said chances i wouldnt catch anything, yeah if I knew to protect nyself. We work together regularly and on many occasions he has been bleeding profusely and I helped mop it up. We have also shared a toothbrush on holiday when they got mixed up. We have had unprotected sex all the time (i know difficult to spread this way) but I bled badly during sex because of fibroids. Recently had an hysterectomy and he presumed they would test me for everything and i would find iut that way if i had it. Nice surprise if they had but they didnt test for anything.

I feel completely deceived and the next day went to be tested. He doesnt seem to see the impact of the risk he put me at by not telling me. His only answer to not telling ne is he might have lost me. I would never have left him, i am not judgemental. There is more chance he will lose me if i have contracted hep C from him even though a low risk because he took the choice away from me.

I find out in a few days time if i have it.

Has anyone else any opinions on this, i feel irritable, angry and sad dealing with this.

[gnatcatcher]

tweetiepie, your feelings (deceived, irritable, angry, and sad) are entirely appropriate. I had similar feelings when I was diagnosed decades after the transfusions that gave me hep C, even though in that case the medical profession had no idea they were giving hep C to anyone (back then they didn't even know what hep C was or how it was spread).

Fingers crossed that either you don't have hep C at all or, if you were infected, that your immune system was able to get rid of it. (The initial testing was probably for whether you have positive antibodies. If you do, then a more expensive test determines whether you still have it and, if so, how much of a viral load you have.) These days, even if you have it, the treatments are easy and the cure rates are near 100%.

But that still leaves the issue of your relationship with your partner of 5 years. His putting you at risk because he was afraid of losing you -- how might that deep insecurity of his hinder communication about important matters in the future? Inadequate communication is a major impediment to building a healthy long-term relationship.

Best o' luck to you,

Gnatty

[tweetiepie]

Hi thanks for the reply. I received my results today and I am completely negative. I am really pleased. I was offered the hep A and hep B vaccines as they are recommended to have. Also been told condoms are recommended even though I have seen elsewhere on many sites that condoms aren't essential as it is low risk, to me any risk is a risk though.

My partner has opened up more and we have talked openly now about how he was putting me at risk. Feel like I am educating him on how to protect others when he must already have been given this information, he dies have dyslexia but that doesn't mean he needs to be ignorant to paperwork he receives. He has been making a desperate effort now to keep me informed. This is a new start today to a road of a partner with hep C and I am still undecided if we can get over the secret world he has been living in. He defo feels more at ease as we went out fir dinner and he could say openly i need to take my medication with food. I have told him do not mistake this calm exterior for being able to be walked over, i am on the verge of walking away as it feels the end line has been crossed.

Fingers crossed for me that i keep my sanity through this.

[gnatcatcher]

tweetiepie, I'm very glad to hear you are clear -- clear of having hep C and clear about your relationship and what is necessary for it to survive and thrive.

Hep A and B vaccines are highly recommended for everyone. It's too bad there isn't a hep C vaccine yet.

Best Wishes,

Gnatty

[Lynn K]

While using barrier protection is not suggested by the CDC for long term monogamous couples there is no reason why you can't be more careful.

The data was gathered from long term couples where one has hep c and the other does not have it even after many years of being together.

Congrats on not having to worry about hep c
Lynn

[Baxter]

Thank god it turned out the way it did. What a huge relief that must be to you.

I don't even want to speculate on what in the world he could have been thinking. When i was single, I found a way to work that into the conversation no later than the 3rd date, usually the 2nd - and sometimes even the 1st. I figured a woman had the right to know that before she got to a point where she might be developing feelings for me.

And yeah, i did lose a dating partner because of it. I told her early on, and she freaked out. The first 5 minutes I felt terrible over losing her, but as the conversation progressed, she showed me a hell of a lot about who she really was as a person. I never heard so much "oh, poor me" whining in my life. It was all about her, and how painful it was that she was having to give up such a great guy, and how scared she was she wasn't going to find anyone else like me, and why do these terrible things always happen to her, and finally - I kid you not - insisting that I leave my phone on 24 hours for a while in case she needed emotional support to get her through the pain of having to dump me. Not so much as a single, "gee, I hope you get better."

What I thought to myself was "F you, you can call someone who actually gives a damn how you feel;" but what I said out loud was, "I think it's probably best that we just make it a clean break, at least for the time being. I'm sure you must have a network of old friends that you're used to calling on when you need emotional support."

But, in every other case the conversation always went quite well, and nobody else that i dated ever called it off because of the news. And I wound up having some pretty damned rewarding relationships over the years because of that.

Best of luck to both of you going forward. I hope that one of the things that comes of this is that he learns the importance - no, the essentiality - of open, honest communications on important issues within a relationship.

[brie41]

Wow, first I would like to say thank god you are negative!  You had every right to feel the way you did.  It is the not knowing that is the worst!  I always believe fear leads us to do so many things that we wouldn't normally do.  Not making excuses for him, but he obviously didn't want to risk losing you.  So now you are fine and I hope your partner will be 100% cured very soon too!  I bet he is so relieved that it is out in the open and that you are okay.  Good luck to you both!  Brie