I need advice

[anon87654]

Let me start this thread with the following:

1)  I do not have hepatitis C
2)  I'm married with children
3)  My parents have hepatitis C

So I have grown up with this disease in my life, but I've never thought it to be a big deal, I've kissed, eaten after, and been generally affectionate with my parents.  I'm not infected, so it's a non-issue for me.

I find a woman whom I've fallen in love with she treats me incredibly well, loves me, and we get married.  She got along with my parents, there were very few issues between everyone.

Several years and a kid later.  The topic comes up about hepatitis C, she says she has a family member with it and it scares her.  I assure it isn't a big deal, and that my parents have it. 

Then things changed.

Before visits she begins rehearsing the visit, analyzing every action they've ever done and trying to extract every single mistake they've ever made to make sure it doesn't happen again.  During visits, she's visibly distraught, stiff, untalkative, withdrawn, snaps at the kids for giving kissing, hugs, or even sitting in their laps.  After visits is a barrage of complaining for weeks to me and everyone she's close to, sessions with psychiatrists, bleaching the bathrooms, sinks, and doorknobs, crying fits, emotional outlashing, rehearsals with the kids to make sure they don't get too close, and so on.

I'm at the point where I don't want to see my parents anymore, it isn't worth the stress it's causing.  I have two kids and I value my marriage greatly, and before this disease was known, the relationship between my wife and them was at least tolerable if not somewhat pleasant.

I've tried educating her, I've tried giving her advice from doctors and specialists, nothing seems to work.  I've spoken with our pastor, her parents, several psychologists, it seems I cannot get her past this.  She believes her paranoia will protect her, the kids, and me.  She has told me she doesn't want to relax this, because it will protect her and the kids.

We are so close, but as soon as a visit is scheduled until it is over several weeks later, it becomes hell.  I lose appetite, I get depressed, I can barely work.  I'm at a loss, I love my wife, and I don't want to cut my parents out, but I don't know what else to do.  I've made the decision to cut them out completely if this doesn't get better.  Any advice is appreciated.  Thank you.

PS - Even if there's no advice, I just need to talk to someone, I don't have many people to open up to.

[Lynn K]

Wow that sounds so difficult sorry to hear.

I don't have any advise on her strange attitudes but just wondering if your parents have considered treating andcuring their hep c with the new medicines?

[gnatcatcher]

It seems as though the fear your wife experiences is akin to fear of heights or spiders or crowds in that rational explanations cannot cure it. A psychologist with expertise in desensitization (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Systematic_desensitization) might succeed, but only if your wife wishes to be rid of the phobia.

I agree with Lynn that if your parents are open to getting cured via the new medicines, that would be the best solution (for all concerned). In the mean time, is it possible to use Skype or Facetime so that you and your parents and children can still "visit"?

I'm glad you shared here. Most of us have experienced the reactions of people afraid of catching our "cooties"; getting cured is wonderfully freeing. If your parents tried the old treatments or avoided them because of their low cure rates and horrible side effects, it's a much better world now. Best wishes to all of you,

Gnatty