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Author Topic: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition  (Read 8357 times)

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Offline Helen1764

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« on: November 26, 2014, 09:27:00 am »
Hello,

I'm 35year old female and I was diagnosed with Hep C genotype 2 16 months ago.
I'm in queue to start my treatment, it will hopefully start in a few months.
When I was diagnosed I was in a relationship for 5 years, I informed my partner, he got tested and was negative.
I've been single for the last 5 months, I broke up to reasons irrelevant to my condition.
I was determined to stay single until I finish my treatment, it seemed the logical thing to do.
But life has sometimes different plans.
I met someone I really like, the problem is I met him online at a music forum.
I wasn't looking but we started talking a lot, exchange pictures , you know how these things go.
Now he wants to meet.
To complicate things even further he lives in a different city.
I was thinking to tell him about my condition in person but as the days go by he gets more and more excited with the idea to meet me and I feel that I will disappoint him a lot if I tell him then.
I'm thinking to tell him before we meet, I don't know how though :(
I will have to talk to a stranger about my condition over the phone.
I think though that it's the decent thing to do so he won't get his hopes up.
I want him to have the time to think if he is ok with it and get informed.
What do you think?
I really need advice, should I travel to a different city to tell him in person or should I tell him before we meet?

Thank you in advance for reading this,
I feel really lost :(

Offline Picnic

  • Member
  • Posts: 110
Re: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2014, 11:27:46 am »
Welcome Helen,
I think it is important that you tell him now, before you go traveling! This will give him a comfortable out if he wants it. It could be real uncomfortable if it is face to face and he freaks out!
Larry

Offline BattleTheBeast

  • Member
  • Posts: 817
  • Female, 57 - SVR12 as of 7/23/15!!
Re: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2014, 12:38:19 pm »
Hi Helen,

I agree with Larry that you should let him know now before he travels to visit you. If he is someone who is going to remain special then he will be able to handle it, if he isn't better to know now then later. If he was local, you may want to handle it a little differently but since he isn't, well I think sharing it with him is the right thing to do.

~Mel~
~Mel~
Hep C, Type 1, 10/11  viral load 8,238,340, AST-60, ALT-57 Bili .6  Stage 4 cirrhosis,
Week 4 VL <15 AST 20 - ALT 27 Bili .9
Week 9 - switched to Harvoni VL UD!! AST 20 ALT 19

EOT date is 4/30/2015,
SVR 12 is 7/23/15 ACHIEVED!!! 
and SVR 24 ACHIEVED!!

Offline Helen1764

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2014, 01:09:35 pm »
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
My gut is telling me the same , I need to tell him now.
I just needed some people to confirm my instinct.
I will gather all my courage and let him know tonight.
Thanks again, much appreciated :)

Offline rainbowray

  • Member
  • Posts: 263
  • Gen 1B
Re: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2014, 01:15:39 pm »
It's terrible we stigmatize ourselves like this. I have been married for 35 years, had hepc for 44 years. I don't remember telling her till later in life cause I was not really obsessed with it. Don't even know if I should of been. When I did get serious about my disease and informed her to get tested she and all my kids were negative.
It is hard to spread even in a close relationship. I had her test again and still negative and I am more paranoid of spreading it than ever. I was relieved as I would have felt bad if someone got it, but realized it is very low risk to spread.
Probably the right thing to tell a person, but whatever you decide is not a wrong decision.

Offline Helen1764

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2014, 06:22:16 pm »
You're right rainbowray, we do stigmatise ourselves.
The first month after I was diagnosed I felt dirty, I didn't want to be close to anyone.
I've accepted the fact now and don't feel like that anymore even though I'm extremely cautious.
I had been playing the scene in my head all day with horrible outcomes.
I told him one hour ago, I didn't even need to explain, he had no problem with it.
He said that he knows about the disease, not only he didn't freak out but he thanked me for my honesty and I feel he appreciated me even more.
I'm so happy I told him and I'm even happier that reality didn't meet my paranoid thoughts

Offline Mike

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 993
Re: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2014, 07:04:07 pm »
Hi Helen,

You did the right thing. Being honest and up-front is always the best choice.

I'm so glad the person accepted you for being you! He sounds like a gentleman and you can never have to many friends!

Best wishes, Mike
Genotype 1a
Treated 2001 with PEG and RIBV
Treated in 2014 SOL+PEG+RIBV
Cured July 2014

Offline BattleTheBeast

  • Member
  • Posts: 817
  • Female, 57 - SVR12 as of 7/23/15!!
Re: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2014, 09:45:50 pm »
You're right rainbowray, we do stigmatise ourselves.
The first month after I was diagnosed I felt dirty, I didn't want to be close to anyone.
I've accepted the fact now and don't feel like that anymore even though I'm extremely cautious.
I had been playing the scene in my head all day with horrible outcomes.
I told him one hour ago, I didn't even need to explain, he had no problem with it.
He said that he knows about the disease, not only he didn't freak out but he thanked me for my honesty and I feel he appreciated me even more.
I'm so happy I told him and I'm even happier that reality didn't meet my paranoid thoughts

Helen,

You found a good guy!! I am so happy for you and I'm really proud of you for being open and honest. It's crazy because I was just on the phone with my elderly stepdad who is in the hospital after a fall. We were talking and he always talks loud so in his normal loud voice he says "you still doing what that hepatitis stuff?" I internally cringed and all I could think about was who is in the room with him when he announced it! We spoke a little longer and hung up, I log on and see the messages about the Stigma we give ourselves and wow did it hit home!! I need to stop beating myself up for having an infection. I have an infection and it's making me sick and I've had it a really long time and didn't know it, now I know and I'm getting help to clear it. It's no different than an ear infection except that for a long time it can be really quiet and then out of nowhere make us really sick! I have an infection and I'm getting treated for it and I am really going to work on this little head game stigma I have playing in my
Head!! So again thank you to all of you and Helen thank you for being so brave!!

~Mel~

Ps: sorry for rambling on and on!!
~Mel~
Hep C, Type 1, 10/11  viral load 8,238,340, AST-60, ALT-57 Bili .6  Stage 4 cirrhosis,
Week 4 VL <15 AST 20 - ALT 27 Bili .9
Week 9 - switched to Harvoni VL UD!! AST 20 ALT 19

EOT date is 4/30/2015,
SVR 12 is 7/23/15 ACHIEVED!!! 
and SVR 24 ACHIEVED!!

Offline Helen1764

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Met someone special - how to tell about my condition
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2014, 07:51:26 am »
Thank you all for your kind words.

I understand how you're feeling and thinking BattleTheBeast, unfortunately there is a lot of guilt involved with this infection.
Most of us feel guilty even though we shouldn't.

I got lucky with this guy as he is the first "stranger" I had to talk to about my condition.
The only people that know so far were my doctors/dentist, my mother and my ex partner.
His reaction gave me a lot of strength, I'm grateful

 


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